Four Letter Words
by BeautifulFiction
Summary: There were plenty of four letter words that Ed never thought twice about saying, but there was only one that he could hardly even think without feeling both terrified and ridiculous. Roy/Ed


_Author's Notes: A little present of fluff to myself after a week of computer problems. The full, "as it was meant to be" version in on my livejournal (link in my profile), but here is the less explicit edition for FFnet. I hope you enjoy this little snippet, and thank you for reading!_

Four Letter Words

Ed jumped down from the train and shivered hard, narrowing his eyes against the chilly air. The engine clanked and steamed as it waited patiently for its passengers to alight. There were not many at this time of night, and the platform was almost deserted.

'Fuck, it's freezing,' he hissed to himself as he hurried through the station and clattered down the steps to the street. Without thinking, he moved his suitcase to his automail hand so he could bury his flesh fingers in the pocket of his coat.

For over five weeks he had been near Creta on a pointless assignment. Still, down south the summer lingered and autumn had not yet caught the land in its grasp. Here, in Central, it felt like winter was already howling through the city. When he left there had still been some leaves on the trees. Now naked branches, bone-white in the moonlight, rattled in the wind.

He hesitated at the bottom of the station steps as he tried to decide which way to go. Looking left, he sighed, knowing that he should go back to the apartment that he shared with Al and let his little brother know he was all right. That was the way things used to be. Al had always come first but, now that he had his body back, it was as if a whole new world had opened up to both of them. These days there was more to life than each other, and Ed let a smile tug at his lips as he thought of who else was waiting for him.

Al would understand. Besides, Ed had managed to catch an earlier train. No one thought he would be back until the morning. These few, precious hours were his alone, and he knew just who he wanted to spend them with.

Roy.

Turning right, Ed hunched his shoulders against the wind as his brow wrinkled into a frown of thought. Sometimes he still struggled to believe that they were together, that it was not all just some kind of lust-fogged hallucination. At first it had been wild and incredible, fierce and desperate. It was like the storm of need had been building between them forever and now, finally, the rains had come and there was nothing but _release_. Even now a hot knot of desire twisted in Ed's stomach, and his mouth went dry at the thought of Roy's heavy weight over him.

It was just sex. That was what he had told himself. Inappropriate sex, which somehow made it even better, but nothing more. It was physical. Skin to skin and unstoppable. Whenever they got too close they ended up pressed against each other, sharing hungry kisses and dragging touches and tight, wanting breaths as if they couldn't resist each other. Emotions did not come into it.

Except that, as days became weeks became months, he kept forgetting that. He found himself snorting with laughter at something Roy said and getting through entire conversations without wanting to punch his smug face. They started spending time together and doing things other than fucking. Admittedly, that normally happened in the end, but Ed found himself enjoying just sitting next to Roy. It was easy to curl up in his arms as they talked about stuff at the office or some kind of alchemy or stupid, inconsequential things that seemed important even though they weren't.

Ed sighed, his breath clouding the air in front of his face. It was meant to be a secret, had to be, because he still had another eleven months left on his contract. If anyone high-ranking found out that he was sleeping with his superior officer then the shit would really hit the fan.

Al knew, which Ed should have expected. He hadn't said a word about it, but his little brother was not stupid. When Ed had started not coming home some nights and spending weekends elsewhere, Al just smiled, told him to be careful and to say hello to Roy.

Ed paused on the kerb, waiting for a car to go past before he crossed the road. Once he was out of the military then he would tell Al straight, would admit out loud... . What? That he was sleeping with a man more than ten years older than him? Well, it was true, but there was more to it than that. It wasn't only about warm skin and thudding pulses and pleasure any more. It was no longer about fulfilling a need. It was about making a conscious choice to spend time together. It was about sharing everything, the good and the bad.

Once, he would have turned to Al with anything worth saying, but now his first thoughts were of Roy. Ed trusted him, and even if a small part of him kept saying that Roy was still the smug, manipulative, arrogant git that he had always been, another part said, _But he's mine_.

Somehow, that made all the difference.

He knew what to call it, too, this feeling, and it scared the shit out of him. There were plenty of four letter words that he never thought twice about saying, most of which would earn him a beating from Teacher, but there was only one that he could hardly even think without feeling both terrified and ridiculous.

Love.

The heat of a blush battled the cold air that scoured his face, and he groaned aloud. No one ever taught you about it. No one ever said: 'This is what love is, and it's great and scary as hell'. No one ever explained how to say it without sounding like a complete idiot. It was like a huge secret that everyone knew but never spoke about.

His mother's devotion to his bastard father had been pure and unconditional. She had been so trusting, and maybe it was seeing that faith shattered apart that made Ed so afraid to utter the words. He loved Al, but he never had to tell him that. They were family; of course they loved each other.

Except that Roy wasn't family, and that meant he had to be told whether Ed was scared or not. It could not be hidden. He half-suspected that Roy felt it in every kiss and touch and moment, but that meant it was something nebulous and unacknowledged, and that wasn't right. It had to be spoken to make it real for both of them, otherwise it was nothing but a thought in Ed's head.

'For fuck's sake,' Ed muttered to himself as his thoughts became more and more panicked. 'Don't even blink at a chimera but I'm scared of _this_.'

There had been too much free time to think about it – too many empty hours for his mind and heart to return to Roy while his body was stuck on the Cretian border. Every spare second he came back to it, and every time the uncertainty intensified.

The weird thing was that he wasn't afraid that Roy did not feel the same way. It would be fucking humiliating, but he could live with that if he had to. He was scared because of what it meant. It wasn't just _words_. It was heart and soul and future and everything. It was taking a deep breath and admitting that, yeah, he was more in Roy's power than ever before. It was confessing that, while he might only half-listen to orders and always bend the rules, when it came to the two of them he would do everything he could to meet Roy's needs and stay by his side no matter what.

It was giving every little part of yourself to someone else and trusting them to treasure the pieces, not throw them away.

Ed blinked in surprise, staring at the neat little path that led to Roy's front door. He had not even realised how much time had passed. He'd lost himself in his thoughts before, but a year ago they would have been about alchemy: arrays and energy and the next leap in understanding. It was strange how quickly change could happen, as swift as the flick of a coin, and suddenly everything was different.

The wrought iron gate moved smoothly on its hinges as he pushed it aside and walked up the path, the newly formed frost crunching under his boots. The house was mostly dark, but he could see a mellow, hearty light from the living room window, and he knew that Roy had lit a fire in the hearth. Smoke curled softly from the chimney, faint white against the night sky, and Ed hesitated, thinking of another four letter word he rarely let himself say.

Home.

Groping in his pocket, he grabbed the key that Roy had given him and slipped it into the lock, hearing the tumblers snick quietly open before he pushed his way inside. The hallway was dark and quiet, and Ed cocked his head to one side, listening to the tiny, normal sounds that filled the night.

In the corner the clock ticked quietly, its hands charting away the last hour before midnight. In the kitchen the tap was dripping, and behind all that was the occasional sharp pop of the fire in the living room. There was no sign of Roy, and Ed quietly put his suitcase down and shrugged out of his coat, leaving them in a heap before he crept forwards.

Peering around the door, he grinned at the sight. Roy was in the armchair, a book hanging from limp fingers and an almost-empty tumbler of whisky was perched on the table beside him. A thick, feather-stuffed quilt was in a pile at his feet, as if he had buried himself in its depths only to have it slip away while he slept.

Silently, Ed crept across the floor, his bootsteps muffled by the thick carpet as he inched closer. Roy slept on, not even stirring as, very carefully, Ed climbed onto the armchair until his knees were either side of Roy's hips and his hands were pressed into the the cushion just above Roy's shoulders.

The smell of him made Ed's mouth water, spicy and smoky and forever linked with sex in his mind. It was like a drug, and Ed had to resist the urge to bury his nose in the crook of Roy's neck and inhale. Instead he let his gaze wander over his lover's face, picking out the shadows of exhaustion. He looked like he had not slept properly in weeks, and there was a rough haze of stubble on his jaw. Trouble at the office, or something else?

He was still fucking breathtaking, though. There was probably nothing in the world that could rob Roy of the kind of looks that stopped people in their tracks. In fact, the stubble added something, a kind of rough-around-the-edges appeal.

Carefully, Ed leant forward until their noses were almost touching before angling his head to the side and pressing his lips softly over Roy's. He nipped very lightly with his teeth before dipping his tongue into taste, smiling against Roy's mouth as warm hands shifted to grasp his hips and a sleepy, confused, happy sound caught growled in Roy's chest.

When he pulled back, Roy's eyes fluttered open, dark with sleep and want as he looked up at Ed. A doubtful frown of confusion flustered across his face, and he licked his lips temptingly he said, 'You're not a dream?' He sounded so painfully hopeful that Ed's heart clenched tight with emotion, and desire flared hot and bright in his stomach.

'No,' he murmured, moving down to brush his nose along the line of Roy's jaw and breathe in the scent of him. 'I caught an earlier train.' A wicked grin curved his lips before he nipped at the tender flesh over Roy's pulse, making him arch up into Ed's body, awake and already aroused. 'Dream about me much, did you?'

'Every damn night.' Roy's response was hoarse, sending delighted shivers down Ed's spine as his hands drifted up Ed's sides, stroking gently until tense muscles relaxed.

It took him a moment to realise that Roy's fingers were a bit more probing than usual, gently testing flesh and bone for damage and searching for the tell-tale ridge of bandages beneath Ed's clothes. 'I'm fine,' he murmured reassuringly. 'Assignment was boring as hell. I didn't even get a papercut.' He buried his face in Roy's shoulder, almost purring as Roy's hands shifted under his t-shirt and hot, dry palms skimmed over the curve of his back.

'Did you walk back from the station?' Roy asked. 'You're freezing cold.'

'Warm me up, then,' Ed said with a grin, lifting his head when Roy's hand caught his jaw and pulled him up for another, deeper kiss that sent fire racing along every nerve. God, he had missed this. Not just the shimmying whirl of pleasure, but the feeling of being so unreservedly _wanted_. Roy made absolutely no secret of it as his touches became quicker and hungrier, spreading heat wherever they went.

With a tight, panting breath Ed pulled back, trying to drag together his scattered thoughts as Roy blinked up at him, surprised by the sudden distance. It was only a few inches, but it was enough to subdue some of the raw desire surging through Ed as butterflies of nervousness overcame tingling need. He had to say it, had to, because otherwise Roy would make him forget everything except the pleasure, and then he would never find the right moment.

'I – I -' Ed's throat closed around the words, and closed his eyes in disbelief as his courage abandoned him. With a frustrated breath he looked away, staring at the fire before turning back. 'I missed you,' he finished lamely, cursing himself as Roy raised an eyebrow.

'I know, I can feel it.' He lifted his hips, pressing his erection against the hard ridge between Ed's legs and grinning as Ed rubbed against him like a cat. Softly, Roy cupped Ed's cheek in his right hand, his face turning serious as he murmured, 'I missed you too, Ed. Five weeks is just – too long.' He tugged at the swathe of hair that fell past Ed's face, pulling him closer until he could kiss him deeply.

All thought drifted away, becoming lost in a thickening haze of lust as Roy's strong arms wrapped around him, pressing him close. He burrowed his fingers into Roy's thick, short hair, holding him steady as he tasted and took like for like.

They were both panting, cheeks flushed and eyes dark as they lost themselves in each other's touches. Every inch of Ed's skin felt painfully sensitive, crying out mutely for each caress as he threw his head back, gasping sharply as Roy licked and bit at his exposed throat.

Fuck, he was already losing it, and they weren't even at the best bit yet. His thoughts had fallen away, drowned out beneath the flood of sensation. He barely noticed when Roy's arms tightened around him muscles standing out with the strain of bearing Ed's weight as he stood up.

Automatically, he wrapped his legs around Roy's waist, hitching himself up and pressing himself closer. Roy's hot groan made him tremble, and he rocked suggestively, his head filled with a silent, begging litany that he struggled to keep inside.

'Can't carry me upstairs,' he managed to say, his tongue feeling thick and clumsy around words. It was only good for kissing, licking, tasting – nothing else.

'Not going upstairs,' Roy managed, kicking the quilt closer to the fire.

'But – bed –'

Roy gave a short, wry chuckle and shook his head. 'Do you really think you can make it that far? I know I can't. I've been without you for too long.' Without waiting for any kind of response, he lowered them to the floor, ignoring Ed's weak sound of protest as he pressed him back into the quilt.

They'd both ache in the morning, Ed knew that, but right now he could not care less. Roy's full weight was over him, and his body was straining upwards to press itself closer, as if they could somehow merge completely until there were no more boundaries to separate them.

After a few clumsy, desperate moments their clothes were gone, and the kissing heat of the fire was enough to keep the chill at bay. It felt as if it were flooding out of the grate and fluttering along Ed's skin like silk, dancing to Roy's symphony of touch until they were both burning, caught within whispering veils of crimson and gold that flared brighter with very touch until the colour ebbed away to the blind, bright white of release.

Slowly, reality flowed back in, breaking down the warm, dark walls of intimacy. The only sounds were the crackling of the fire and the harsh sound of their breathing. Roy was still above him, propped up on shaking forearms as he bent his head in a sinful kind of prayer, nuzzling gently at Ed's forehead. Forcing his limp arms to move, Ed reached up, tugging at Roy's neck until he lay beside him.

He gave a sleepy murmur of appreciation as Roy grabbed the edge of the quilt and folded it over them, wrapping them both in a warm cocoon. They were both sticky with mess, but right now Ed would not have moved for the world. Sleepy and sated, he pressed himself against Roy's side and wrapped his arms around his waist as he murmured, 'Love you.'

Beneath his cheek, Roy froze, his chest full of his snatched in breath of surprise. Ed closed his eyes, biting his lip hard. Words that had been so hard to even think an hour ago were right there, caught up in his voice and natural on his tongue as if they were meant to be said. It was like his heart had just shoved his brain out of the way, taken control and spoken without any fear or hesitation. Now, even if he wanted to, there was no way he could take them back. He could only curl a little tighter, horribly vulnerable, waiting for Roy to respond.

'Thank god.' The shaky whisper stirred Ed's hair, and he looked up in surprise as Roy's arms tightened around him possessively. A gentle kiss pressed against his temple, lips lingering over his skin as Roy said, 'I love you too, Ed. I have done for months.'

'What?' Ed's mind had gone blank as his chest tightened with wary hope. He had not really let himself believe that Roy would really feel the same way, and now he felt breathless, exposed and strong all at once. He stared at Roy's face, trying to see any sign of a lie in his features. Ed did not want him to say it because he felt he had to, didn't want him to speak those words without meaning them, but all he could see was bright, open honesty in those dark eyes. 'Why didn't you say something?'

Roy looked uncomfortable, his shoulders lifting in a shrug as his hand stroked across Ed's back. 'I didn't want to risk losing you. I thought – I don't know. I didn't want you to feel obliged to love me back.' He swallowed, glancing away as he admitted, 'and I was scared. I thought maybe you wouldn't want to know, or that you'd leave, or that I would make a mess of things -'

Closing his eyes, Ed felt a warm, tender smile curve his lips. They'd both been afraid, not so much of the other's reaction, but of themselves and their ability to live up to everything that love meant. 'Idiot,' he said softly, stretching up to press a kiss to Roy's mouth. All of the clumsy uncertainty and fear was fading, shorn away by the truth: this was it - fragile and heartfelt, terrifying and perfect.

This was love. No doubt about it.

**The End**


End file.
